last comment by Kay T.
6 months ago
FORT WORTH, TEXAS,
It's simple! I'll answer any questions you all have about love/relationships/etc to the best of my ability.
I'm now hosting a column on Tumblr! You can find it over here.
If you simply can't speak to me through this public forum, hit me up anonymously via my Tumblr or via the Relationship Advice Column Tumblr.
almost 5 years ago
FORT WORTH, TEXAS,
If it really bothers you this much to hear from him, tell him to stop talking to you. Solves the problem straightaway. You need time away, I say. Get him to go away. He doesn't deserve you if he's going to dump you like that.
May 25, 2010
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I know goodbyes are the hardest thing to do in any sort of a relationship, friendly or romantically. Sometimes they are a necessity, and there's no avoiding it. It is these times - these times when we have no choice - that we have to be mature with ourselves. We have to be able to let go.
All lofty speeches aside, he's going to leave, and there's no stopping him (I'm assuming he's an exchange student). Therefore, you're going to have to say goodbye. But that doesn't mean goodbye forever. With the lovely invention we call the internet, we have the ability to keep in contact with people from any part of the planet. Between webcams, instant messaging, email, photos, and everything in between, there are plenty of ways to maintain a very long distance relationship. If you really do love this boy, and want to keep a relationship going, you should see if he's willing to be in a long-distance relationship with you.
That being said, real relationships are best held at close distance. But just cause he's crossing the planet doesn't mean you can't still pursue something. Think of all the possibilities of you studying abroad, and living in his country? If he loves you, maybe he'd be willing to make arrangements to come the States and live with you instead. :D
There are tonnes of possibilities out there if you're willing to pursue them! Ask him if he's interested in a long-distance relationship. If he's not, then you'll have little choice but to say goodbye. If that's the case, try not to be sad. You still have time to enjoy while he's still here. :] Change isn't always a bad thing. Remember that.
May 28, 2010
I've been with my boyfriend a year and 8 months now , and basically we are closer than close , well used to be . We were head over heals in love , he'd always tell me he misses me , or have I love you more fights , but now I'm worried we've slipped into the ' old married couple stage' I don't see him as much as now we both have jobs , I see him at college a maybe once or twice after. So I'm trying to keep the realtoonship fresh by asking to see him and say I live him more , and trying to keep the sex life alive, thing is he only wants it when he wants , whenever I do it's 'sorry I'm not in the mood' he seems less in love with me , and more just loves me , like there's no spark , I know he loves me but I'm scared he's growing up too fast and getting bored of being in a relationship , any ideas on how to revive a hot flame ?
This is just a simple communication problem, really. You feel shy, he feels shy, so it's super shy and awkward at all times. Really, you just have to think of some interesting things to say. Hans has the right idea: ask him to tell you about his trip. Then ask him other sorts of questions... what kind of music does he like, what kind of things he likes to do... ask him about those things. It's just being social!
Mind you, you're not the only one having issues here. This is HIS fault too. HE should be more proactive, and talk to YOU. You shouldn't be the only one responsible for all the talking. That being said, he's a 12 year old boy... Hahaha, and at that age, I wouldn't have been able to speak a word to anyone. :P He's immature. Not in a bad way, just in a way that he hasn't experienced much. And keep in mind, you're inexperienced as well. It's good that you have this relationship with him. :3 You're learning about things some people won't learn about until they're 16, 17, 18, etc.
You probably won't end up with this guy forever and ever. Just remember that. If things don't work out, that's just the way it is, and you'll do alright. :] You've got a big life to live ahead of you!
I've been getting really close to this guy and I really like him and he likes me, but we have an issue about our age difference.
Hes just away to turn 19 and I'm 16 in December. I think that we can work around it, but I also think that my parents will be an issue, they will think I wont be responsible when I'm not ready for the physical side of the relationship :/
What do I do to make sure it can be worked around and what to tell my parents if they don't approve?
May 31, 2010
Well, there's only so much working around that can be done. It's not like either of you can magically change your ages to suit the other. And it's not like anything short of a sturdy, blunt object will convince your parents to be more open minded. :P There are a few methods you can attempt though.
First, TALK. Namely, talk to your parents, as they are the big issue here, not your ages, nor this boy. The problem is the parents, as it always tends to be. But one thing that most parents like is when their kids have thought everything out. So, start thinking. Think about what you want from this relationship. Do you like the boy because he's omgsexy-super fit-give me some of that-WOWhot? Do you feel like you have an honest emotional connection with one another? How deep is this budding relationship, and how deep do you want it to go? Are you thinking about long-term with this boy? Maybe even marriage? Do you want to have sex with this boy? If so, have you thought about the type of contraceptives you'll use? Also, if so, have you thought about the potential of having a baby?
That's a lot of questions, I know. But they're all valid, and that's not even the tip of the iceburg when it comes to the extreme amount of questions that your parents will probably expect you to be thinking about. So... think about them! Think long and hard about this relationship, what you want out of it, and where you want it to go 1 year, 2 years, 5 years from now. Will it last that long? Who knows. But become mentally prepared of what MIGHT happen.
Then, once you've considered all these questions, all these options, consult your parents. Explain to them the situation, NO LYING, and let them have at you. They may straight up say no, they may begin to question you. In either case, tell them that you want a good, logical answer from them. Let them know you're prepared for what's coming. Answer any questions they may have about you, about him, and about what you want with him. If they straight up tell you that you can't date him, ask them why, and ask for a polite, respectful, logical reason why you should not date this boy. Furthermore, be willing to introduce this boy to your family (maybe invite him over for dinner, maybe have the family and him go out to dinner, something so they can interact), and explain that your family shouldn't 'judge a book by their cover,' and meet him before they pounce toward conclusions (make sure your boy is willing to meet them though).
In short, know what you want. When you do, talk to your parents about it. Do it as clearly and maturely as possible. And if they say no, you'll have to go from there, and figure out what is most important to you.
June 1, 2010
I could've sworn I replied to this! But truly, I'm so sorry for the break up. And I know it's not so great... But you've got to do the best to look on the bright sides. You're young. This is one of MANY relationships you'll have over your life. You have plenty of time to find another boy; don't rush it; just spend your time enjoying yourself, and don't go looking for a relationship for awhile. You can enjoy being single. :3 Fuethermore, realize this isn't your fault; it's also his. If he wanted you to communicate better, HE should've done some of the talking. He didn't. You are not alone to blame.
Regardless, be happy! You were in a relationship, something most people stress about for years an years when they're busy little high school student. You've earned some good experiences. Savour them, and use what you've learned in your next relationship! :]
June 5, 2010
Hi Chris, hopefully you can help me out with this one....I'm not in a relationship, but I guess I'd call it a "thing" with this guy. He's about 11/2 years older than me and is going to be a senior in HS this coming fall. He's never ever been in a relationship but has friends that are girls and taken girls to homecoming, etc. Hes an amazing athlete and has a job which seem to be good, like he wants to go somewhere in life, be a productive person. Hes known to be kind of skittish around girls, but on the other hand is extremely polite and kind, comes from a nice family, has many friends...yada yada. But when word got around that I thought he was cute (juvenile I know) and might possibly be interested, he dare I say...texted me. Now I, am a strong believer in face-to-face confrentations and talking, ya know and that texting and IMing are completely superficial. But anyway, I go along with it...but we've been talking for nearly a month now and he hasn't yet indicated that he wants to hang out or anything.Personally, I am extremely picky when it comes to guys, which is good and bad. I've talked to a few guys (who rather be more interested in me then them) but nothing ever really came of it.I feel like I'm ready to jump into this though (cheesy but like Tay Swifts "jump then fall" lol), which is a rare mentality. My best friend seems to think that he's emotionally not ready for anything yet, but I don't want to give up if he hasn't gotten to know the real me yet... Idk it might all sond childish and I understand that life goes on and I'm just in high school, but this kid really has got me thinking...I really am looking for anyone help or opinons on this, and if any more info is needed, let me know! K hope y'all can help.
June 11, 2010
Time for honesty. And the honest truth is that I can't really say anything that isn't my personal opinion. But in my opinion, I say GO FOR IT.
It's okay to feel a romantic pull toward people in high school. Are you all immature and young? Yeah, definitely. But that doesn't mean you couldn't experience some form of love. Imagine all the people who end up with their high school sweet heart, married and happily ever after! Okay, that's not the standard, and it shouldn't be what people expect. But it's an example of how ending up with someone from high school is a possibility.
But here's a truth: if you like him, GO GET HIM. Because I can almost guarantee that someone else likes him too. If you don't make your move, you could miss your chance. And in my opinion, it's always better to to pursue something rather than let it pass by and regret doing nothing. Believe me, I speak from experience.
And don't always assume that not-in-person communication is superficial. Lots of people have long-distance relationships or text-based communication in relationship, and it can be every bit as real and honest. Obviously face-to-face and personal, in person communication is ideal. But when you're not together, there is nothing wrong with texting or IM'ing! My girlfriend and I have never once spoken on the phone for the sake of talking; we, in fact, prefer texting. It's just more simple for the both of us. Then again, we spend a lot of time together. :P But it depends on the individual relationship.
Like I said, everything I'm giving you is nothing more than an opinion. But my opinion is pursue him, and see what happens! :]
Gee thanks! I really appreciate the quick reply, and I will try to put your words into account.PS. You're really good at advicee!
Hi, please help me :).
There's this guy who I've crused on for over a year and we became friends when I joined his school. We got on really well, share food and he would always hug me and we could chat for ages. He also loved teasing me and scaring me, but he also looked after me and gave me great advice and of couse that made me like him even more. We also had our little thing we did like scare each other or sing songs we like to each other or say hello in sexy voices aha.That's been slowly increasing until around 3 weeks ago when during study leave for exams he hasn't really been talking to me. I texted him confronting him about it but he replied pretty much changing the whole subject. Now we're back in school I still find it kinda awkward. I mean, if I asked him a question he would answer, but he would never go out of his own way to talk to him like he did before, and that makes me feel nervous to say anything to him as I might have unconsciously offended him even though I don't think I have. My friend think I'm being a little paranoid but I know that he hasn't been acting the same as he would- he won't even greet me or anything. He's just not how he usually is around me. My mum and brother think that I should wait for him to talk to me as he's the guy and I haven't done anything wrong, but I'm getting so frustrated. It's even worse as all my friends are making crude sublimal jokes about us as they know I like him. I'm worried he know and maybe he doesn't like me? Or maybe he feels shy? Or maybe I really am being paranoid?
What should I do? Please give me some advice.
June 18, 2010
okie dokie, heeere we go!so, at the beginning of the year i had a thing with this guy named parker. and so everything was going awesome and he was really sweet and such, but nothing really happened. The thing started to slow down for some reason and then one day out of the blue, i was texting him and was like 'What's up?' and he responded with 'Eating and sandwhich and talking to my girlfriend' and i was like, oh, cool.. and so the thing was over. now while he was in that relationship, i got into one. (this all may be a bit confusing) while i was in that one, he broke up with the girl and got into another relationship. while he was in this one, i broke up with my boyfriend and got another one. then when i was in that one, he broke up with his girlfriend and then a while after that, i broke up with my boyfriend. and so that was the first time we were single at the same time. and one of the reasons i broke up with my 2 boyfriends was because i still had feelings for parker. although i hated admitting it to myself. Since we were both single. we started talking again and ended up having a thing once again. We got to talking about when we had something at the beginning of the year and it turns out it that the ending of it was a big misunderstanding. we both thought that the other didnt like the other one and so he got a girlfriend, thinking it would make him feel better. and also, throughout his relationships, he never stopped liking me either. And so everything was going perfect, but we didn't want to have the label of "boyfriend and girlfriend" because we were both scared it would ruin things since that was what happened in our past experiences. At first, i was alright with that because i really didn't want to ruin this again and i have somewhat of a commitment fear. But then after a while, we decided that it wouldn't be such a bad idea to have the label. and that made me really happy because at that point i was tired of not being able to call him my boyfriend and all that sweet stuff :) Last week, he went away to alabama for a church retreat thing and me, not being a christian, i didnt go. (also, during the trip, they took away their phones) and so i didnt get to talk to him for 5 days. then he came back and when he got his phone back, he was texting me on the bus and then at about 3pm, he stopped texting me, which i thought was odd because usually we would text all day and then talk on the phone like, every other day or at random times throughout. i got kind of scared because i didnt want to lose him again and so i talked to my friend and she made me feel better by saying 'he is probably really tired, or his phone died or something' and i was like, yeah haha and felt a bit better. So, for some reason, i slept on and off till 4pm today and kept checking my phone, but no texts from him. so that kind of brought me back down because he used to always text me when he woke up. And since coming back from the trip, he was acting weird and.. i don't know. and so texted him when i woke up and we were talking then i just flat out asked him if he still liked me and he said yes. so i said okay :) and he hasnt texted back and im worried i scared him off or something. am i just being paranoid and crazy? I really don't want to lose him again, but i feel like im just being dramatic and overreacting to nothing and worrying that he found someone better on the trip.. ahh i feel like some crazy psycho obsessive chick haha help?
I saw that someone yelled at me on chat last night, but I was literally closing my browser the moment they did. I assume this was you. :P Sowwy! hahahah.
June 19, 2010
I really feel like this is an intense case of paranoia. Which is okay, honestly. It's easy to get a bit overly carried away with someone we fancy in the way you fancy this boy (believe me, I speak from an exorbitant amount of experience). The problem with this sort of situation, is that I can't really help you work it out logically like I can do for most of the other folks who send me stuff.
Why? Well, because this is a problem concerning HIM. Obviously he's in some sort of funk. Now, I could give you this long, flowery speech about all the ways he may be thinking, and all the things he might be scheming. But when you get down to the hard fact, neither you nor I could pierce his mind to figure out what's going on in his little noggin.
Therefore, instead of contemplating what in the world his problem might be, some tiny bits of advice. What should you do? Well, your mom and bro aren't far off; if you sat around and waited for him to straighten himself, then you might be doing yourself a favour. He clearly seems that he'd rather not speak to you on the subject of his changed attitude. Maybe if you leave him alone, and let him sort through things himself, he'll come back around. Be aware, there is the honest possibility that he'll lose any interest in you with the lowered amount of attention you give him.
A contrasting strategy would be to continue to confront him (politely) about the problem. Ask him if something's wrong, ask him how you can help; tell him you've seen him acting differently, and you want to be there for him. And know your limits - don't encroach if he seems to really not want to share any info with you.
A final thought, one which I countlessly repeat to oh so many folks, if you want someone, GO GET THEM. If you think you really like this boy, and would honestly like to be in a relationship with him, don't wait. Get him alone, get friendly with him, and ask him out. The wort thing that could happen is him saying no, and all that means is he doesn't deserve to have what you're willing to give him, and you'll be able to find another cute boy to lavish with your affections. The alternative is he could say yes, and you'd have EXACTLY what you wanted.
The decision is up to you, and I can't make the decision for you. The best way to go about making your own decision is just look at everything logically. Don't overstep the boundaries of your friendship with him, do what you will depending on what feels most right to you, and respect any decisions he makes. Good luck!
I think you're paranoid, as you said. But don't feel like you're insane! I believe worrying is perfectly healthy. If we didn't worry, we wouldn't really care about the thing we're worrying about, right? If you're not invested in something enough to be worried when something feels off, what's the point? Maybe I'm just a paranoid freakazoid too... but that sort of logic put me at ease when I feel I'm freaking out too much. :P
Anyway, I do believe you're just freaking out a bit about things, and that you don't really have a whole lot to worry about. But this sort of worry is a keen thing sometimes. You know something's up. You're not sure what. Which is fair. But if I gather the chronology of all that's happened so far, this is over the course of about... three days (not counting the time he spent at camp)? He stops texting one day. Maybe he did run out of battery on his phone, or maybe he was visiting with people on the bus/ride home. It's fair to say, regardless of the reason, he was busy then. Then, the following day, he's home, and not texting. So you get really worried, and text him a lot, and demand to know if he still likes you. But remember, he's just spent 5+ days away from home, not to mention traveled a healthy distance across the country and back with lot of people, some of whom he may not have enjoyed his time with. He's probably pretty tired, and just needs a break from life.
Patience. That's what Doctor Chris is prescribing you. You've done your worrying. You've even asked him if he still likes you, and he says yes. GREAT. He likes you. :D Good news. It means you were unnecessarily freaking out and you have nothing to worry about. He'll get all rested up, and in a few days, should be completely back to normal.
Hopefully. But like I said, your worrying is healthy. And it'll become even more healthy if you NOTICE things. You've noticed he's off. This is good, because it means you see the subtleties of your relationship with him. Continue to analyze these subtleties for any clue of something fishy. Notice I didn't say OMG HE'S CHEATING ON YOU BUST OUT THE KNIVES TIME TO SHANK A WOMAN. I said if something smells fishy... if something seems off. If Parker continues to act weird over the next two, three weeks, it's likely that something larger is up. Not just some sort of tiredness from a long trip.
I'm not saying this to worry you more. I'm just saying that you should continue to be aware of your relationship, and how things play out. If you see something as weird in your relationship, simply ask him what's up? Trust that he's telling you the truth. And don't invade his privacy if you're really curious about something. Just BE AWARE. This is probably nothing, so try not to worry about it too much. :]
Thank you so much Chris :). I was worried that it was my fault...at least I know that he's the one being weird.
I'll leave him for a while but if it still persists, I'll confront him often like you said.
I think I may just ask him, if I can get him alone or something.
I'll let you know wht happens.
Once again thanks!!
I feel like someone posted an extremely long thing for me to read. But in my absence from the internet, it seems to have disappeared. I promise I wasn't ignoring it! So if you feel like you need some help, I promise I'll get around to helping you. Sorry for my lack of participation in internet affairs! D:
June 24, 2010
You just have to learn to deal. You seem to see relationships as a negative thing when you're in them, and you need to change that outlook.
Thinking. That's what you need, some time to think. Time to think about WHY you want a relationship with someone. Is it just loneliness? If you don't like committed relationships, you can make friends without getting into a relationship. Do you REALLY want to be in a relationship, or just want to have a very close friend? Why do you get into the relationships you get into? Why do you choose to cause the drama. You say that you cause this drama because you "can't stand being in the relationship," but why can't you stand the relationship once you're in it?
Ask yourself these questions. Try to come to terms with exactly why you get into relationships, and then why you get out of them. Think long and hard on this. This is not a relationship problem, so much as it is a problem YOU have with relationships. You need to become comfortable with yourself and your own ideas before embarking in another relationships, because relationships are a two way street, and if you're not willing to work for them, then it would be best not to get involved.
June 25, 2010
I'm so confused! I have been liking this guy for about a few months now and about once a week we have been going on dates. He's best friend's with one of my friends and he always tells her how adorable I am and stuff. But he's always so nonchalant around me. So we've gone on like 4 dates and it's been great and just last night we had this really intense make out session. We talk almost everyday. I like him alot and I know he likes me ( we went to the movies one time and like halfway through he opened a container with 2 cupcakes inside. So sweet!)But I'm wondering why he hasn't asked me to be his girlfriend... is it because he's Going off to college in the fall? Why is he holding back so much? Just last night was the first time we ever really made out. So what should I do? I don't want to waste my time when nothing's going to happen. Help!Thanks in advance.
July 2, 2010
guess who's baccckk!? :)alrighty so my last post, my guy Parker was being weird and such. that passed and things were fine and stuff. and sooo, now. we are back to the point where he is saying that he doesnt know if he wants to have the title because he doesnt have his car or a job and so it wouldnt be good. and im kind of thinking that's just an excuse? but i don't know.. and somedays he acts awesome and is sweet and then sometimes he acts like he doesnt like me. and i really really really like him and it crushes me when he acts like that because i don't want to lose him. also, he just isnt as.. sweet as i would like.. maybe im just crazy haha. ohohoh! and i kiinnndd of (but only a tad) am still into my ex. and i hate it when he talks to me about the girls he's hooking up with and such and last night he drunk texted me and was saying stuff like 'i still love you and i don't want you to go out with parker, i want you to go out with me' and sexual stuff also :P but yeah. i don't know what to do :/helpp? :)
July 4, 2010
Sadly, that's a question I can't exactly answer. Maybe it IS because he'll be going off to university, and doesn't want to get into anything serious. Maybe he has some other reason for not wanting to get serious. Maybe there's another reason. There are thousands of reasons we could theorize here about why he hasn't yet asked you out that we could discuss here. But the fact is, discussing them will get us nowhere.
The key is that you should talk to HIM. Ask him if he wants a serious relationship, figure out why and why not, and go from there. Like you said, you all just made out for the first time, so things are finally starting to pick up romantically. That's good! Try to take it to the next step! I know a lot of girls think they should wait for the guy to make the move. But that's a stupid societal rule, and I think it should be foregone. If you want a boy, go and get him! You want this boy. Go and see if he wants you back in the same way. Talk to him. It'll do a world of good. :]
This is a two part problem, and we'll deal with the more serious matter first.
YOU ARE WITH A BOY. You are in a singular relationship. It's what you wanted. So no liking the ex! Firstly, your ex - as much as you may have liked him - certainly doesn't sound like the esteemed sort of gentleman you want to be associating with, if he's gallivanting around, hooking up with girls all the lovely time whilst inebriated, AND saying he loves you. If he loved you, he wouldn't be parading about with the entire female populace, he'd be focusing on you. He's not focusing on you. He's just selfish, and wants you (physically, sexually, etc.) for himself. I understand you have feelings for him still - this is common with exes. But he doesn't sound worth it, and you shouldn't have romantic feelings for others if you're committed to a monogamous relationship. It only starts trouble. Try and distance yourself from this ex. Try to rid yourself of the feelings for him. Don't let him tell you 'I love you' or say sexual things to you. Just tell him straight up that you're not interested, and if he keeps talking to you, you're going to refuse to talk to him. And follow through with that if he doesn't shut up! He is an ex. He's past tense, and history. Leave him there, and don't let him interfere with your emotions in the present.
Back to Parker, I'm glad things passed! I assume you mean having the title of "relationship" or "boyfriend/girlfriend." I think it's valid that you're concerned about this, just like last time. It's a valid concern to feel that your significant other is drifting apart, and in ways may explain why you're having feelings for your ex. But that's another matter. You need to have a talk with Parker, and communicate your feelings with him. Explain how much you want to be in a relationship with him. Tell him all the things you can think of that makes your life better when he's your boyfriend! Tell him why you two should continue being official together, and tell him that having a car or job isn't important to you. You should also become AWARE of how he isn't being "as sweet as you'd like." What do you mean by this? In other words, in what ways could Parker be sweeter to you? Seriously think about this... is he not being physical enough for you? Do you want him to give you more gifts? Do you want him to do anything special that he's not doing? Think about what it means to be sweet, and how he can be sweeter. Then discuss this with him, and make him aware of the problem; the rule about boys is if they aren't told they're making a mistake, they probably won't realize they're making one, and therefore won't fix it. Make him aware of problems if they exist; if he cares, he'll do his best to alleviate them, and better your relationship as a consequence of his actions. :]
he hurt me, and now acts like nothing's happened. he texts me and then acts boring, so i dont know if i should just ignore him or tell him off once and for all. because my feelings for him are gone.
July 6, 2010
I can't get over this guy i used to really like 2 years ago. Nothing happened between us then and we didn't even kiss.
He has a girlfriend and I haven't really dated anyone after him (i have liked a couple people though but at the same time i still kind of liked him). I reallly reallly need to move on so I can find someone who's right for me but I can't get him out of my head - I keep thinking of what we could have had. I don't know what to do. I just want to move on and forget this ever happened.
July 10, 2010
WOW, sorry for the delay! I could've sworn I responded to this earlier.
Personally, you should probably just put all your feelings on the table. If you've been hurt, he should know. He might try to fix the situation, granted. But in my opinion, honesty is always the best policy. Let him know what he's done. You can make your next decision(s) from there.
July 11, 2010
It's completely normal to wonder what might've happened with someone we used to like. Don't I know the same thing happened to me, back in the day, with certain crushes I had. And I know how hard it can sometimes feel to move on when there's no resolution from that situation; that feeling of constantly desiring, and wanting to know if something is possible.
But you're right. I think it's best that you move on. Now, there's no sure fire, easy to explain way to move on, unfortunately. Everyone is different, and therefore, there ways of moving on from crushes/relationships/people are equally unique. My advice is to cease communication with him for awhile, and just try to put him out of your mind and life. You'll be able to focus on other people and other matters, without having him constantly on the back burner. Put distance between you and him. Besides, he's in a relationship already, and you don't want to break him up with whoever he's committed to right now (that's just bad news). Meet some new folks, try to start some new relationships... and when you get to that point, FORGET HIM. The liking you had for him 2 years ago is ancient history, and there's no reason to continually dwell upon it. Focus on the people who will treat you well right now, in the present, and who might treat you well in the future, not those who may have treated you well had things in the past worked out.
Either i'm being needy or my boyfriend is being a dick.
I dont really know what to say. I love my boyfriend and we've been going out for about 3 1/2 or 4 months now but for the last couple months its like he's been gettin gmore and more distracted and less and less interested in me. I feel like he doesn't want to see/talk to me as often he cancels on me, half the time he wont text back and when i'm with him he's so distracted. I've spoken to him about it a bit but he just makes me feel bad, he used to say that he was annoyed that i thought that and it was a bit insulting as he didn't think he was being like that. Then he would tell me that he understood and once exams were over we wuold have time together. But recently its worse, today he sent me a text basicaly saying that i'm being needy and clingy and am 'suffocating' him (which i dont feel i am). I didn't know what to say to that and a couple hours later he said he was sorry he was in a bad mood. but nothing was resolved.
I dont know what i can do.
July 13, 2010
Well, it's honestly hard to say what you SHOULD do in this situation. It's clear that you like him, but it's clear that SOMETHING is wrong. You're communicating with him, which is a good sign. But clearly something's bothering him...
I don't know the whole story, so it's hard to give advice. I don't know what your day-to-day interactions with him are. Maybe you are suffocating him and don't even know it! Do you text/call him a lot? Some people can't handle TOO much communication. When you're together, are you constantly hugging and kissing him and stuff? Maybe he feels you're being too physical with him.
These are all just possibilities; as I said, I don't know what you two do together. The only absolutely SOLID advice I can offer is that you need to continue communicating your point to him. Let him know how much you like him, and how much he means to you. Then explain that you don't mean to be needy/clingy/etc. Ask him HOW you're being needy/clingy, and ask him how you can fix it! If you don't know the mistakes you're making, you'll never be able to solve the problem! Ask him honestly what's wrong, and ask him how you can help fix the problem. If that doesn't work, or you fix the problem and things don't change - I'm sorry to say - you may have to begin reconsidering your relationship.
July 14, 2010
So I'm just back from a holiday in Turkey and I had an unexpected romantic incident happened. My family own an apartment there near a hotel, and we are good friends with the family who own the hotel. Dincer is a guy who works behind the bar, he is 21. I am 17. We have talked occassionally but this year he added me on Facebook and we started talking. He was very interested in when I was coming out. On my birthday he was the first person to say happy birthday to me, which I thought was kinda nice. A few nights into the holiday I went to the hotel with my mum and brother for some drinks and there was a strange vibe, if you get me. A few nights later I went back myself and we talked a bit (sometimes talking can be a little difficult though as he speaks English but sometimes we don't understand each other) and at about 1 in the morning when he closed the bar and we sat together outside. Again there was a strange vibe, a sort of tension, and I wondered if he did have some feelings for me. Another guy who works there was sitting close to us with a blonde girl, they were obviously having a wee holiday romance as they were very cuddly but they kept looking at us and smiling strangely. Dincer asked me to go to the beach with him, and to be honest, I really wanted to, but it was late and I knew my mum would go insane if I randomly went off with him. I then said I'd like to go for a walk and we ended up kissing - I don't even know who made the move. It felt so strange and good that my knees actually went shaky, but I'm stupidly shy and made an excuse that I had to go. On my way out the blonde girl called 'Did you kiss him? You kissed, didn't you?' and looked kinda excited. I just laughed but wondered how she knew.
The next night was my last night there and we went to watch the world cup final. He was busy serving people but I felt really awkward, but wanted to talk to him. I noticed he talked to lots of girls as he served, especially one who was really pretty. I ended up getting drunk to stop feeling awkward but then ended up just feeling ill. I then told myself to stop being immature, to just go up, order some water and talk to him. I did, but when he asked for water he said 'Not a large beer?', he'd obviously seen that I'd been drinking that night. He seemed kind of pissed off and sad, probably due to me ditching him. I was about to apologise and ask if he wanted to hang out together, but a boy called Josh came up to the bar, introduced himself and started talking to me, saying he really wanted to buy me a drink, if I wanted to hang out with his mates, ect. At first I was happy because at least I wouldnt look like the sad drunk girl sitting alone, but soon I realised the guy from last night and the blonde girl were glaring at me. I obviously looked like I fancied Josh and they were probably thinking I was a bit of a slut. I went back to the apartment to tell my mum that I was alright, had met some nice people, ect. When I got back Josh and Dincer were playing pool, and Josh told me that Dincer kept glaring at him and acting generally pissed off at him. We went outside - again getting glares from the couple who probably thought I was going out to get off with him - and we had a smoke and I told him about what happened last night, and Josh said that Dincer was probably acting pissed off because he was talking to me and buying me drinks. Josh gave me his email and told me to tell him how it went and I went home. I was too shy to go say bye to Dincer.
Ever since I've came back he's pretty much all I can think about. My friend said he probably planned it since he got me on facebook, but I don't know if it was or if it was a spur of the moment thing. I don't know if he just does this all the time, bartending then getting off with girls staying in the hotel. He hasn't been online yet but I'm going back in 3 weeks, this time with my girlfriends, meaning no parents and I could spend more time with him. I really don't want it to be awkward when I go back though.
Any advice? Should I just forget about him?
Well, it was a sort of fling you had with him. And it did sound quite lovely, and there is a certain drawing connection between you two. That much is for sure.
You should send Dincer a message and explain the situation. Apologize, admit you were quite inebriated and weren't exactly making clear-headed decisions, and ask if he'd like to hang out with you when you're back in Turkey. He can either reply to you and say he'd like that very much, or ignore you, whereupon you'd have his answer. It's all you can really do. I don't see any reason to outright abandon him if he's really on your mind all the time.
Just go for it! You'll be in the same place again, and my theory is that it's best to be on good terms with people if you're going to be in close proximity.
July 16, 2010
Hello. So there's this guy who lives in my neighborhood. I've only seen him a couple of times around, and I think he is reeaally cute. The last time I passed him on the street was a couple of days ago, and he smiled to me. So I guess he kind of knows who I am. It turns out he lives really super close to where my dad lives so chances are i'll see him every now and then. But the thing is I don't know him at all and we don't have any mutual friends that I know of. I would really like to get to know him, but i'm really not any good at getting to know strangers at all. Especially when I think their really cute. And I definitely don't want to come across as creepy/lame/stalkerish. And obviously i'm a little afraid i'm not good enough or whatever. He's a little bit older so he might not be interested in getting to know me aswell. So my question really is; is there any way of going about this? Is there any way to talk to him when I see him? Or maby make it more likely he'll approach me? or is it a bad idea to try? Thank you
The honest answer is... no, there is no "easy" way of doing this sort of thing. I wish I could say there was - for all of us shy peoples' sakes - but no, there's not. We're stuck with having to be incredibly awkward people trying to get to know strangers.
You could try to set up an instance where he might talk to you, though I'm sure you know that it might not work. The best way to get to know him would to literally approach him and try to start a conversation one day, even if it's just on the street. I know that seems REALLY uncomfortable to even think of. But if you did, you'd be showing some epic confidence, and most strangers can appreciate someone confident. Think of some conversation starters, nothing heavy like the meaning of life or conspiracy theories. Stuff like the weather, or this one TV show, or puppies, or your favourite places to walk in town. Something easy that will just flow out of you, and you won't have to think hard about.
Then when you see him, do your best to start a conversation! Introduce yourself politely, ask him how he is, see if he does the same. Read the signals! If he seems like he's willing to talk, use some of the ideas for conversation you thought of. Then, don't overstay your welcome; after a few minutes, excuse yourself, say goodbye, and leave. You'll likely see him again, as you say, so you can have another quick conversation later. After a few conversations (unless you're daring, and want to try right away), you can ask him for his phone number, or maybe his Facebook/email, and say you'd like to talk with him more and get to know him better.
I know it's really awkward, and I know it's really scary. But this is the only realistic way to meet a complete stranger. All I can wish you is a lot of luck! But I have faith. :]
oh, it's alright :) and thanks for the advice. you give great advice.
July 17, 2010
Well, as you said, you're the one that was the reason for this break up. I don't know what you did, obviously. But it's clear that whatever happened doesn't matter to him; the fact that it happened was his breaking point, and he ended things.
I wish I could say there were some magical way to get him back. But quite frankly, I can't promise such a thing. Again, I don't know what you did - thus making it a bit tricky to provide advice - but he seems to be firmly cold-shouldering you at this point. This is the point where you're going to just have to start letting go and moving on.
He's going to talk to you when he wants to talk to you. That might be tomorrow, or it might be never. You can't keep doting after him anymore. Because even if he does open up the lines of communication with you again, he may have already moved on. It's probably, sadly, only best that you move on and meet other people. Believe me, I know how hard it is to move on after a relationship that you were you in where you feel like you truly loved your partner. But sometimes, there's no way around it.
Just remember, you're soooooo young. You're just getting started on this whole dating/boyfriend/serious relationship thing. You've barely gotten started. There are going to be TONNES of lovely folks you're going to meet that are going to intrigue you. I know he seems really important right now. It's good that you've experienced love so early. Use your experience now, and grow from it. Then, in your next relationship, you'll know what to and not to do so as not to lose them. My best advice is that you move on, and maybe sometime in the moderately near future, you meet someone who you can love even more. :]
July 25, 2010
So thereâ€™s this girlâ€¦ I really like her. a lot. surprisingly. i never thought i would ever catch feelings for this chick, and likeâ€¦ sheâ€™s absolutely BEAUTIFUL. tall, brown hair, long sexy legs, gorgeous eyes. the whole package. super funny, great personality, always always alwayssssss keeps me laughing! but the thing isâ€¦. she likes another dude. and the other dude.. likes her too. a lot. i guess it just really sucks, cuz ive never really fallen for a chick who like another dude. i guess its true that we always want what we cant haveâ€¦ right? iâ€™d say i was right :P oh well!! i guess we just have to wait and see what happens. i know that even if she liked me too, weâ€™d probably have to keeps things kinda secret because we dance together in the same company and wouldnt want any studio drama or just wait till may when i graduate and i dont have to deal with the studio drama!! hahaha. but anyways, i really like her. she really likes him. and he really likes her backâ€¦ :( so yeahâ€¦ oh well.. :/
July 26, 2010
Well, I'm not sure what advice I should be giving, since you didn't ask any questions, but I'll do my best. But yes, I definitely know the entire love-triangle sort of situation; I've been on many different sides of it.
The first thing I think I ought to say is that if they are dating, DO NOT BREAK THEM UP. If she is taken, she is taken. She is off limits. Cheating is bad news, and you don't ever want to take that route.
Now if she isn't official with him, then you have free reign to use your free will to do whatever you want. If you'd like her, I say, go fetch her before this bloke does! Realize, though, that he has the upperhand in this potential relationship, therefore winning her over will be a tall order for an uphill battle. It's doable, but difficult.
What you decide to do depends on how much you really like her. But if she has something official and singular with this other guy, don't mess it up for her. Otherwise, good luck in your endeavours.
July 28, 2010
This is truth. I've been so busy this summer; sorry for that! Just log on to aim now and then. When I'm not busy with the girlfriend, I tend to be online. :] At least I try to be, haha.
I dunno where to start..me and my ex-bf were together for 5 years and we broke up because he was moving away, he said he did still love me, but because he was moving away we could not carry on. He said it would be too hard not seeing me a much as he would like to and to end it now to avoid further heartbreak. I was devastated and hurt for a very long time. He ended up with someone else and although i hated him for hurting me we remained in contact with each other and he has always said that he still loved me. He broke up with his gf about 2 months ago and we have started seeing each other again. I know i would love for us to get back together and i have told him this, however he has said he doesn't want anything serious and while i understand he wants to be single, i feel like we already are in a relationship and its getting hard to back away. So heres my question, do i carry on with seeing him and hope that he changes his mind or do i just end things now??Its just so hard because of all the history. My head and my heart are so confused. Any advice would be majorly appreciated. thankyou
July 30, 2010
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